We’ll Always Be Here

This blog entry is above all dedicated to my brother, Keith.

Dear Keith, maybe you won’t ever come to this blog for your entire life, but hope is always there; hence I blogged this hopefully that one day you might by chance come to this blog and learn that we’ll always be here for you no matter what; supporting, motivating and to go through this horrible nightmare with you.

I know sometimes it’s awkward, in fact true to say shameful to have thing out of our control. I know you had tried your best and that’s what really matter; you did your very best but still you couldn’t get what you wish for, that’s normal because that’s life. Despite what people said, I believe that you already had a rough idea how you’re going to face the upcoming. If you ever feel that you’re useless, you’re wrong, BIG TIME wrong. You are nowhere near useless, but if you insisted; then do think in my shoe, I as your brother will be more useless for not guiding you yet wanting you to live your life my way. I would more likely be the one to blame for all this nonsense and for being a useless brother.

Dear brother, I have a handle on one thing recently. I can’t force you to live your life my way or our way. You had your dream, your standpoint, your way of life and it’s not fair for us to tell you what to do with it. I had been always disagreed with your idea and your dream for the reason that I don’t think that you’ll had a better upcoming than what I had set for you. All I wished for is I don’t want you to follow my slip-up; I want you to be able to crawl out of this miserable circle. Nevertheless, I never thought of what you really want. Maybe due to this, I’m never able to crawl out of this circle.

All along, I always had faith in you; you are that kind of brother that I never need to be worry of. Your stubbornness, your determination, your guts is what I really admire of. When you fix on to do one thing, no matter what it take; you’ll accomplish it. When you made up your mind, no one is able to change it. That’s the leader quality that I never had. You and I are diverse in many ways, sometimes I really wonder, are you really my brother? I prefer the safe route but you forever will choose the opposite route. Despite knowing that we are two different people, I still asked you to take the safe route; my route, for the reason that I think that’s the best for you. I was wrong, that’s the best route for me but not you. Consequently, you had endured years of boredom-ness because of my stubborn thinking. Sorry Keith.

Like what mum always told us, “Nobody can blame us if we know that we tried our best”. Since you already did your best, no one is there to blame or to say a bad thing about you. Mum always told us to stand up straight even if the sky is collapsing; so brother, no point to ignore our mother teaching now right?

I know it’s a tough time for you now. Escaping is not the solution, it’s time to stand up straight and voice out what in your mind and we’ll talk about it. This time, I will let you to choose the route you want; I promise that I’ll only listen and not to oppose. Don’t let our old folks worry about us okay. Call me.

“Giving up is just an option, not an obligation in our family”

Love,
Big Brother

From Firm Pinch to Never-ending Pain

Have you ever play paintball before? Those counter-strike aspirant sport where you shoot and shoot till all of your opponents are proclaim dead; in this case covered with paint. I had actually watched a few friendly tournament in my university but I never participate in any of it; that was until today where I actually played five rounds of paintball with some of the KDU folks (I haven’t had chance to know them in person, not even their name but I’m sure I shoot down a few of them).

Well, the rules are really simple, once you being marked with paint, you’re out. That’s when you need to raise both your hands with the marker (gun) on your head and walk slowly to the corner of the field. I advised you to run because you might ‘kena’ a few shots if you take your honeymoon sweet time to the corner. The bullet is typically some oil-based paint wrapped with thin layer of rubber, so when it ‘kena’ your body it explode; and the next thing you know, you’re covered in poster-colour-smell-like paint. It feel like a firm pinch if you ‘kena’ from an appropriate distance. Except if it’s a short distance shot, then be prepared for the worst scenario: bruise and bleeding. So normally to avoid that, when you’re in a short distance (as in half a meter away), you just point the marker at your opponent and shouted “You’re out!” and he/she ‘pandai-pandai’ walk to the corner la. That’s all in the rules book (I don’t know whether it exist or not but that was what I told by the instructor; 'kena' cheated kot).

Nevertheless, there’s once when I point my marker to a girl who doesn't realize that I sneaked out from right wing and say out the magic word “Slowly put down your gun. You’re out!” she actually scream for a while and turn back to shoot me for almost half of her ammo. Walau! Play cheat one, ‘kena’ my hand some more. Hand leh, not protected part leh, it does feel like a firm pinch; just that it’s from the Hulks. The Hulks leh! Pain to the max till my hand doesn’t feel a thing for a time; she violated the rules but no one seems to care: "Lu bo shoot wa, wa bo die, bo die!!". Which part of no short distance firing she doesn’t understand. Kesian my hand only. That was the last time I use that magic word.

One thing that I don’t understand is they provide us mask, thick army shirt and even army pants but where is the cock protection? You know just in case there’s some sharp sniper in the game who has a huge grudge on you; you never know whether it’s the paintball or your ball that explode. I was trying to protect ‘him’ all the way and even had this crazy idea to wear a mask there, but since I always ‘kena’ headshot; better don’t. You laugh? Don’t play play! My thigh also ‘kena’ a few times, even my ear which supposes to be protected also ‘kena’.

Nonetheless, it’s not that bad after minus out the bruises, pain and money. Overall it’s worth as we always heard of it but never been in the game before. At least I got thing to ‘blow water’ (talk about) next time when I’m out of topic.

Better take a shower now, the stain and smell of the paint is so ewwww… Ciao!