Highway Fun

I have always wanted to update my blog but there’s just one slight problem: I’m just too busy to write. More often than not, when I have inspiration or a topic to write, I’ll instantly turn on my laptop then jot down whatever I have in my head. But these days, I can’t help but to just let the inspiration flee without any attempts to jot them down. Few days later when I feel like writing; my mind goes blank. That’s if I still have time to turn on my laptop. But not today, I’ll korek kaw kaw (dig back hard) what I always wanted to write. Here is one when I’m on my way back to my hometown.

WARNING: This will be an extremely long blog (hopefully long enough to bored your day), so bring along your friends, dogs, ipod or whatsoever that be able to entertain you for the next fifteen minutes or so because this blog may just bore you to tears half way.

Here it goes…

Well, I can consider a regular to our country highway; PLUS for the reason that I had been driving home a lot with my brand new 7 series B- *cough* BM- *cough* Bee-re-dou *cough* Perodua *ahem* this semester due to my internship in Penang. The journey back and forth from Penang to my hometown is quite a killer (boring), but luckily there’re forever some driver whom never fail to amuse me. I’m sure most of you guys have experience something called the high headlight signal on the highway. In fact, I’m so used to this HHS (High Headlight Signal) as it’s already a norm among the regulars there. If you guys are still new to this highway gizmo, this HHS simply suggests that “You’re driving like a granny, please move your fat ass aside!” or “You’re moving like my ****, get lost!”; more or less that way.

All along the way back, I can't help but to realize there are (Yes there are! no kidding) different categories of cars that will give you a HHS, for instance:

The Sport Cars

This is the most frequent cars that give HHS. I don’t blame them in fact I think that they should give HHS every time when there’s car blocking their way for the reason that their car is put up to be fast. They're like superstar car, compare to our cars. They have those super sport specifications; in fact their acceleration pedal is so sensitive even an extra pound will accelerate the car by 100 km/hour. They come with hardcore engine with lots of horsepower, almost formula one tires and not to mention classy aerodynamic look. Only moron won’t try their car to full potential and where is the best place to try that if not the highway. If I were to have a chance driving a sport car, I’ll even drift all the way.

Furthermore, they pay a higher road tax as in much higher road tax; therefore they must do HHS. Face it! That’s the only place where they can show off their car. I understand why a sport car giving HHS because their paycheck is on the line. Yes their paycheck is on the line, unless they’re some lucky bastard who has a millionaire dad. Just imagine how much the fuel consumption is when they’re speeding at 250 km/hour. Just imagine how much they need to pay for their speed trap summon and car maintenance? Basically, they pay to be fast, so why stop them? So the next time you see a sport car roaring behind with their fancy HHS, just move aside and drive to the nearest speed trap booth to congratulate them on their new summon.

The Fast and Foolish

This is the class that I disgust the most. Honestly, I think we should start educated this fast and foolish guy. It’s time to educate them, just let my blog be the first to educate them. Dear racers-wanna-be, no matter how great you modify your car; yes you may have a brand new racer tires, a new Nike rims, a futuristic body kits, a new Puma cup holder, an Adidas sunglasses holder, a fake speedometer, a fake turbo button, a Caltex free pillow but a proton is a proton. I mean let’s just face it, you think by sticking a Mitsubishi sticker on your proton, somewhat and somehow your proton will transform into Lancer? If that so, I suggest you guys stick Air Asia logo on your car instead; you might as well save the toll fees.

This is what happens to you guys; you alter almost everything in the car, but one thing you missed out: the engine. Yes the heart and soul of the car. I have seen many racers-wanna-be car doing HHS even kilometers away. Of course, as a good driver I’ll move aside; but those cars take forever to overtake me (that’s the deal only if I slow down). What I don’t understand is “What’s friggin' wrong with you?”. Your car may look like a sport car but your engine is the same as mine, that’s the fact; so the next time you trying to do HHS, do your math and put your ego aside first.

I understand that car customization is a hobby and no one is going to stop you guys’ creativity. But there are just some people that take this customization into another level. They modify their cars to look like a sport car and they expect people to see their car their way.

Mel: Bang, cantik nampak kereta bang. Kereta apa bang?
Bang: Mitsubishi. (respond within 0.001 sec)
Mel: Betul ke? Nampak macam Prot..
Bang: Mitsubishi. (respond within 0.001 sec)
Mel: Er..
Bang: Mitsubishi. (respond within 0.001 sec)
Mel: Tapi..
Bang: Mitsubishi. (respond within 0.001 sec)
Bang: Mitsubishi. (respond within 0.001 sec)
Bang: Mitsubishi dan jangan tanya lagi.
Mel: Model apa?
Bang: Wira.

There may be no other word to best describe them: P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C.

The Hunter

Then here come the small bullies which are constantly hunting for chances to HHS you. There’re time even the slow cars need to be on the right lane for certain purpose; that’s the time these hunter coming out to tail you from behind with their non-stop HHS. I believe my PA teacher once calls this a ‘rendah diri’ syndrome; so far that only happen to some of my classmate (*cough* Theamy, JL, KC *cough*) but who know, it may spread. They’re very desperate driver who stroll around the highway every weeks to find their victim. Whenever you’re on the fast lane, they will HHS you until you give way then they will slow down to let you takeover them for another chance to HHS you again. Darn those persistent barbarian!

The Big Cars

Then here come the hulk’s car. By the sound of it we already know, big equal slow. You may paying more for your road tax, you may having a bigger engine, a bigger fuel tank but face it; big is predestined to be slow. There’s a reason why your speed limit is below ordinary car speed in the highway and what’s that? Because you’re big and you take two lanes at one time, that’s the reason! Big car has an equivalent big ego too, they think that they don’t deserve to be behind small cars, hence they HHS. Dear Big-Drivers, I’m not trying to say anything bad about you here; but doesn’t almost all big cars are family cars? Slow down a bit won’t harm you and your family, don’t they? Yes I know you have bloody hell hulk-like horsepower, but that’s to balance your elephant load, not? If big cars are meant to be fast; how comes Alonso not driving a Hummer in F1 race instead?

As what Spiderman told us, “Big power comes with big role and responsibility”; which is to protect the smaller car. This is just my suggestion but heck, the next time you saw a 7 series Perodua (which is so coincidentally to be my car) on the road. Try move in front to shield all the wind resistant. You know, without the wind resistant, I actually save a lot too. It’s a win-win situation, you got somebody to protect and I protected my wallet.

The Car Insurance Claimer

I thought that this people don’t exist, but fact proves me wrong. There’re actually moron driving so near, so near that we can actually send files via Bluetooth. No kidding, man.

Mel: Hand me the tissue please.
Friend: Opss! Just finished.
Mel: Darn!
Friend: Never mind! Here you go.
Mel: Where did you get this?
Friend: From the car behind.

That’s the situation, man. I think they’re in some insurance scam doohickey. Scary!

The thing is, the car behind always have the upper hand. They can HHS us whenever they want, and we can’t do anything but to take those HHS with open hand. Yes there is brake light, but it’s so powerless that it won’t make any impact like a HHS does. Yes, brake signal will slow down the car behind, but they will continue to tail you with more HHS.

Nonetheless, the good news is you can prevent it. Here are a few ways to signal the cars behind which is as brunt as a HHS. It's easy; just firmly hold your car steering, make sure that the driver behind is able to see you via the car mirror, then turn around and..

“KNNCCB! YOU’RE FOLLOWING TOO NEAR”

Or simply by putting sticker behind beforehand like this:

“I’M SAD, I JUST FAILED MY DRIVING TEST TODAY”

“I DON'T FEEL LIKE DRIVING, MY GIRLFRIEND WANT A BREAK UP NOW”

And I'm sure all drivers behind you give a face like "WTF":


and won't dare to HHS you anymore. Hehe.

Lou Beh

It’s already two in the morning and I still couldn't sleep, must be sleeping too much in the noon. Try to hypnotize myself by staring at the ceiling; hopefully my eye will get heavy and doze off. But as much as I gaze, there’s no help but making me to recall all those old memory instead. I think of him.

‘Lou Beh’ simply means father in Hainamese; that’s what I call my old man. I know many of you call your father: father, dad, daddy or whatsoever but for me I’m too used to call him ‘beh’ more than anything else. I still remember once in the primary school, my class teacher asked what we call our father and I’m one of the lucky one to answer. “Saya panggil bapa saya Beh" (I call my father, Beh) and the whole class laugh because they thought that I called my father a bear. Nonetheless, I didn’t mind at all; not even once because he’s my only one unique dad.

To be honest, he’s not a super-dad; in fact, it’s true to say he’s a…let’s just say he’s a below average-dad. I never take his promise for real because I learned my lesson so much until I treat all his promises a-never-come-true statement. But there’s once, he really did turn up for my basketball competition like he promised; although he showed up at the last few minutes and I was resting on the bench but undeniably I’m smiling from the bottom of my heart. For once in my life, I feel glad to be his son. After the match ended, he still complaining all the way because he can’t see me in action, but in his heart, I know he’s more than proud for coming to support his own son.

My dad is slapdash, inconsiderate, and stubborn; and not forgets to mention he likes to take control. I mean what kind of father would take his son to an Indian eatery when his son is having a high fever? The answer would be my old man, ladies and gentleman. "Curry can cure fever, curry make you sweat, son" he said. Is that a joke? But please don't joke with me when I'm having high fever, dad! He’s that kind of man who forced you to take what he thinks is the best for him; yes in this case he think what’s best for him is best for you too. That’s my father, the most stubborn person I ever met. Sometimes I’d ask why he can’t just act like a normal father; like my friend’s daddy. I asked that question for twenty two years yet I still couldn’t respond. But no doubt he’s always there when I need him and no doubt, of all the sons, he loves me the most.

‘Lou Beh’ how long have I not calling you this, dad? I can’t call to mind, I asked myself numerous of times but I really can’t recall. Since the last fight, I barely remember when the last time I call you that. Even the sound of it feels so unfamiliar now. Our conversation won’t last for minutes, and frequently it’s overflowing with silent till at one point, both of us gave up and hang up.

Elders’ word won’t be wrong, I understand that, dad. All along I had been seeking for you and mum help whenever I need it and I know elders’ word can’t be wrong, for the reason that you all have experience it firsthand yourself. Like the old saying “from the horse’s mouth itself”. I respect every word from you and mum because I know you guys want the best for me. But dad, as stubborn as you are; there’s sometimes even elders doubt about their action and words; and dad, there’s sometimes even the elders need help from their young one too.

Beh, I’m contented with my life now. Despite what you decision, I still wish to stay. It's time to let me to walk alone, Beh.