Job Tales of A Knight

Few words: I don’t normally do this, but I will for today - Some stupid clerk of some university misread my brother's offer letter even after I triple check with him. We prepared everything and travel all the way there, but that stupid clerk regretfully comes out to make an apology saying he misread the letter. “GO DAI LA!”

ALKISAH...

There was a engineer knight who just come out from the academia. The knight then humbly submit his resume to every castles in his country with the hope of getting employed. Amazingly, just right after he graduated, a semiconductor company castle called for his service. With brave heart, he went through the numerous tests given by the King and by no time he was appointed as a QRA Knight in that castle. Being new to the castle, the King ordered his men to guide that knight. Each day, the knight went through boring hellish training in order to be capable to handle the customers’ complaint barbarian's attack.

The knight’s primary weapon would be his famous Microsoft Axe-cel, rumored that once used by Thor which is capable to calculate and plot millions of data into different charts and graphs. Wielding his Axe-cel, the barbarian is forced to distance themselves from the knight and this give the knight time to prepare excuses reasoning. To be honest, Axe-cel is already a familiar weapon to the knight; in fact, he had been using Axe-cel ever since he is in the academia. But of course, the purpose of wielding Axe-cel is so different now compare to merely for firewood chopping in the academia. The knight is also armed with Words-dom staff, Power-pointed lance and many more.

Also, every knight is blessed with a special ability by the Queen herself, and so does the new knight. He has granted with the skill to detect the country smallest defects with the help of a microscope lens. With that lens, the knight is able to see every minor crack up to 200 magnifications. For that reason too, the Queen has ordered the knight to train more just to master his new ability; that include his weekend. FML!

Above all that, the knight was also appointed to manage a team of operators soldiers. These soldiers is able to survive the most terrible scolding and still able to work for 12 hours a day with just a lunch or dinner break. The knight is truly amazed with the soldier's spirit, almost comparable to machine. With the aid from the supervisor head soldier and technicians lieutenants, luckily, everything goes just fine for the last two weeks. Of course every now and then, the soldiers will make some mistake. Once the mistake is sensed by the barbarians, they will start attacking the new knight without mercy. That’s the time when the knight start prepare statistic all sort of chanting with his Axe-cel to defend the castle; particularly himself.

Frankly speaking, the duty of the knight until today is still bearable, he only need to be on guard for 8 hours a day. Of course, the stingy King will not reward him more if he work overtime, but often it’s encouraged to work OT more by the royal family and maybe once in a blue moon, token of appreciation in term of medal will be given. So far, the job is still tolerable, but one thing the knight very beh tahan with is waking up early in the morning and drive his kancil ride his deer all the way to castle. It’s so tiring to wake up early, you know.

So if the King asked:

“Yes, you earned yours and please pay me now!”

Yours truly,
QRA Knight.

An Engineer's Life

Few words: As luck would have it, a boxer trained his whole life just for a few minutes fame on stage. Boxer’s life is something admirable.


You see, when you’re young, I’m sure your parent will inject this into your brain. Be a professional when you grow up whether a doctor, lawyer or an engineer. And hence, we without doubt filled this three in our ambition list every year. Engineer is somehow one of the top three jobs where every parent wanted their children to be. I’m not so sure with doctor or lawyer but an engineer?

I doubt.

Dear Parents,

To be an engineer, you have to study another year than most of the course out there but what you can earn is the same or even less than the other course. Let’s take business for example; many billionaires out there are successful businessmen, seldom are engineers. When you’re in form 3 doing your PMR, do you still remember the threat given by most of the teachers? “Get a good result if you don't want yourself ended up in an Art class” and hence we do everything we can just to not be in an Art Class.

Let me tell you what, the earning of those from Art stream be it a business, marketing or management is higher than us, engineer. You say engineer is a professional, yes we are but in term of financial, we are far behind than those from Art stream. I don’t understand why the teachers equalize Art Class with low grade; I bet some of them purposely fall short in their PMR.

Sadly speaking, to put this in work ecosystem, business student study to be an employer while engineering student study to be their employee.

Then, there is this professionalism issue. No doubt in the eye of society, engineer is a respected profession. Nevertheless, that is many years ago maybe in the 1970’s or 1980’s when there is still not much engineers. In 2011, engineers are everywhere. Yes, no doubt the professionalism is still there; that is when we do not tell them our salary. Once they know our salary, respect is still there but not for the professionalism but for the admiration of spending four years to earn less than other profession. Till today I still strongly believe that money represent everything including respect, you may say I’m a materialistic, but won’t everyone is like that today?

I bet Art Class students are laughing at us now.

Upon landing my first step in the job industry, I realize that engineer is just a title. You may be called as an engineer but what you did is just like everyone else. Being an engineer not necessary being someone wearing safety helmet reading plan like what describe in our kindergarten dictionary.

Realistically, being an engineer is no different than a normal office worker; you sit in the office waiting for lunch time, clicking on your FB when your boss is not around and happily going off work like everyone else. It’s sad to say but it’s true, if I were to put you in an office, you can’t differentiate who is an engineer and who is not because they look just the same.

As I’m saying this, I’m not referring to all engineers out there; I mean there are of course some engineers that can earn a lot more than Art stream student but I’m only saying this for the majority of the engineers out there. It might be wrong but that is what I observed as fresh graduate engineer.

The only good side of being an engineer is when you’re meeting your parents in law, you can always brag a little about your job since engineer in the eye of older generation is a well respected profession. Just don’t tell them your salary, nevertheless :)

Yours Sincerely,
Humble Engineer

Deadline is Over

Few words: When we joke about not watching the previous movie of some film series, we usually take Spiderman, Pirates of Caribbean or maybe Harry Potter as an example. But I met someone telling me he missed Fantasic Three and he doesn’t seem like joking :(


Penang is truly a fascinating place.

For the past few days, I had been travelling back and forth from Perak to Perlis, well, that’s about 1,600 km journey. And just to kill some boredom out of this hellish 1.6k long ride, I decided to stop a day or two in Penang. Nevertheless due to limited budget, the only options left is either to spend my night at some petrol station or rang a friend of mine for a stay. Of course, I opt for the second choice; I don’t want some agua knocking on my car window pleading they can help me rest better.

Furthermore, I might as well consider this Penang stop as my celebration trip, since I’m officially free after my final presentation in Perlis. That is something to celebrate about right? No more deadlines or whatsoever.

There are many things in Penang that are truly fascinating. But among all these many things, the followings are beyond doubt worth blogging of:


1. Fascinating Frap


Frappucino or in short, frap is some famous ice blended beverage from Starbucks. To be frank, I was never a fan of Starbucks; most of the time, I went there just to leech their wifi. But recently, their half-priced frap promo is enough to start a propaganda, everyone urging me to get a cup.

Alright, since the last time I had my Starbucks is years ago, I might as well get a cup in Penang. The promo has just ended nonetheless; FML. Yet due to my strong curiosity and well, the girl at the counter is worth to stay a while for. Why not? I went in and ordered a full priced-no-promo frap. FML X2. But, what I don’t like in every Starbucks is their waitress has too many question to ask “Do you want this, sir? Do you want that, sir?” They even asked for your name.

I WANT EVERYTHING, JUST HAND ME THE FREAKING FRAP LA!!

I wanted to try it so much, once the waitress hand me over my cup of frap; I immediately take a big sips....to be real frank, the frap is good..

..without looking at the price though. But 18 MYR for a cup of ice blended coffee, that’s a bit overprice not? The formula is simple; 5 MYR for raw coffee and another 5 MYR for the milk, caramel, mocha chip, etc; which equivalent to another 8 MYR just for their branded plastic cup. Now I know why there is only one Starbucks in Ipoh. In the city of cheap coffee, Starbucks doesn’t even stand a chance.


2. Fascinating Foods

Debatable. When it comes to foods, people normally compare Penang foods with Ipoh foods. But since I’m eating good Ipoh foods for 23 years, it won’t hurt to praise Penang foods once in a while. Among all the foods, those that are really worth recalling are their duck meat kueh teow and fried oyster. Screw old school chicken kueh teow, I'm done and over with it, it’s time for duck meat kueh teow. Another real good Penang food is their fried oyster. The fried oyster is really something to shout about, although my friend claimed that there is better fried oyster stall in Penang; but that particular stall is enough for me to brag for three days three nights non-stop.

The foods there is surprisingly cheap too, I start to wonder how those hawkers manage to buy a house in Penang.


3. Freaking Expensive Houses

Call me a kampong boy, but the price of a house there is sohigh that only sohigh people will buy. The salary in Penang is a few hundred bucks more than in Ipoh, but the house there is few times more expensive than in Ipoh as well. Meaning you have to work double hard…no, you have to work double jobs to buy a smaller house. (Flame extinguisher: what I said is merely based on nothing but my simple mind; it's a joke)

But you can always cover back the expenses, because the foods there are amazingly cheap.


4. Fascinating Penang-lang

Although the people there speak in a different dialect, Hokkien but they are extremely friendly; is like there is a stamping on their forehead “Please talk to me, I will prove I’m friendly” because they talk alot once you greet them; even to strangers. After four years mixing with Penang-lang, they have built a stereotype of Penang-lang to me; simply speaking, they’re sibeh friendly and funny. During my visit to 1st avenue, I saw a prayer tree made especially for the Japan earthquake victims. Proven! Penang-lang is very friendly.

Randomly, I take a peek at their prayer. Again, proven! Penang-lang sibeh funny one.

P/S: Thanks mister loan shark and mister polobun for their hospitality throughout my two days stay in Penang. I had a great time during these two days. Thank you.

It Look Easy But It Ain’t

Few words: Nowadays many fine dining restaurants serving food in a spoon, kononnya for the ease of eating; I’m alright with the concept as long as they can add up the quantity. I even overheard the ahma from next table, “Boy, where is our food?”



Howdy readers.

Howdy readers.

Howdy readers.

To be frank, I’m thinking wickedly hard just to come up with a good opening but what I can come up with is just howdy readers. I think somewhat or somehow my blogging skill just drop out.

Howdy readers, since I haven’t updated my blog for four months or so, this post is going to be sinfully long. If you’re reading this at your workplace, please skip and read it only at your lunch break to avoid being caught slacking from work. If you’re looking for jokes, you will eventually find some randomly dispersed in the paragraphs below but I can’t guarantee laughter. Thank you.

“Squeeze time for blog, squeeze time for blog” that is actually what I had been telling myself all the time but apparently my time is milk-less. I had been losing readers, from hundred viewers per day to almost nothing per month. But I can’t blame the readers, I mean who will stay for a crappy blog; sincerely if I were you, I won’t even login at the first place. After a month or so not updating my blog, I thought it will make a big impact on my readers. Just to verify that, I login my email, I check my sms, my fb and even twitter with hope to see at least 5Gb of mails but no one seems to care. FML!

That is when the condition gets critical. Forcefully, I try whatever I could to blog. But the thing is when you force yourself too hard, you tend to give yourself excuses. “Later la” that is the words that destroy many bloggers and eventually I have delay my update for four months. When I first started MLMB, one of the reasons I did it is because I have shitload time on my hand needed to be kill. That is when my update rate is godlike. But when you’re in final year of your university life, like it or not, the only free time is used to eat, shit and sleep (aside from PSP though). It may look easy to write a blog, a lot of people don’t realize, even blogging need brainstorming and apart from that you need to be extremely careful with politics (I’m a patriot, don’t sue me) and grammars. Doing stuffs like that consume a lot of time and moreover it’s not like I’m getting paid for it and hence you drag your feet more. Next thing you know, four months passed and you hadn’t type a single words, this is what happen when you procrastinate.

Today, I finally free from my final year project and my last paper. Believe it or not, the only image across my head is British army marching out and Tunku Abdul Rahman shouting Merdeka when the exam is over. So hereby I’m daring to say that I’m officially an active blogger now, hurray, and hopefully someone will notice it this time.

Aside from happiness and the ultimate feeling of liberty, on my second thought, I have to bid farewell to the place where I once called paddle-field-all-around. Four years and just like that, it ends.

Many didn’t realize but this is the place I polish my mandarin. Back then, it took me hours crafting up a phase in mandarin just to order a food. But now I can even joke in mandarin. To be sent away from my family to a remote country like Perlis indeed had upset me; I have every reason to channel my hatred to UniMAP. Since my first step to UniMAP, I was displeased with everything there. To be frank, I just want to finish that four freaking years fast and get the hell out of Perlis. That is when you start to rebel, you violate the law, you lose interest in looking for friends and basically you defy everything. The gravity for it, you hated it even more.

The first year of my university life is nothing but grudge. But soon enough, I start accepting it and gradually everything is getting better each semester. That is when I gained a few friends and slowly but surely I started to enjoy my university life. The way of life of people from Penang, Kelantan, Johor, Kedah, Negeri Sembilan and so on; are indeed very different from my life. Some may look weird, some may look frightening but when you really start blending in, you too can find joy in the midst of weirdness.

The second year of my university life is brilliant. That is when I’m ready to uptake challenges; I try to change my whole perceptive of my university. That is also the year when I decided to start MLMB to share a thought or two to the others. Nonetheless, no one is paying attention. Screw it. Two years ago when I first started MLMB, the first post is about ‘Life’s a cup of coffee’ which also signifying my grudge toward life as well as acceptance. That’s the real beginning of fun and for the first time life isn’t all emo anymore. In second year too I have been assigned with juniors where I have to kononnya guide them but indirectly I have gained a few more friends. Come to think of it, I had never bossy them or use my seniority over them because they’re more like friends to me than juniors.

The third year of my university life is simply perfect. I meet a damn kepohchi friend. She may look like old aunty who wants to know about everything but her kindness is unmatched in the whole world. She has actually been my pillow talk partner for some time; undeniably she is a very good listener. Even till now, I sometimes still feel like calling her. In this year also, I undergo a six months internship in Texchem Polymers which is a real breakthrough in my study life where I develop new love in both polymers and research industry. In the process of developing new love, I meet a quite demanding supervisor and as demanding as she was, she did taught me a lot, and not to mention a handful of colleagues aka more friends.

The forth year is a year of chasing. Sad to say, but I got a ‘B’ in Dr.M paper; everything changed since then. In that year too, I have been struggling to rise up my pointer but somewhat I’m still in the state of chasing. In this year too, I meet numerous of wonderful people mainly the staff and lecturers of UniMAP. In the process of knowing them, believe it or not, I gained a few older friends. Come to think of it, I’ve never consult the lecturers in my university earlier years. I should have.

If I were to do that all over again, I would still go for paddle-field-all-around. If I don’t, I won’t know what I’ll be missing. Adios, paddle-field-all-around.

The Door Keep Slamming

Few words: When life gives you lemon, you find juicer, open lemonade stall for money; then you hope life gives you lemon every day.



Despite me saying all those positive words in my blog opening, I’m actually not that optimistic after all, at least that can’t be apply in my current situation. Not in the madness I’m going through right now! "Look woman! Blog is everything for a blogger, so don't you what-if-you-blog-about-it to me when you don't know a thing" my heart whispered while I quenching my fist listening to your sarcasm. Let me tell you why I blog, it’s something like self-reflection or self-seeking or whatsoever you want to call them. In other word, I’m using this blog as a media to see what kind of jerk I am/was/will be and hopefully with His blessing and maybe your blessing as well, I can turn the table around. The thing is when someone is really aware of their slip-up and trying all they could to amend it, give them a chance. If they are constantly repeating the same slip-up, remind them. If they still don’t change, then only you give your final red card. You don’t give red card first handed when someone coming with ‘I’m sorry’. What’s wrong with you? When people coming with ‘I’m sorry’ meaning they’re aware of their slip-up, so please save your extra piece of your mind. They come asking for your forgiveness not asking your opinion. You don’t give them an extra kick when they come defenseless, not? You don’t get it, don’t you? Ah, screw it. If you want an official apologize, I could, in fact I did. If you want me to tell you how sorry I was, I would because I’m real sorry for that even I doesn’t know a small joke like that is able to generate a WW3. Seriously, if I were to compare to the jokes I made, this is like a nano scale joke, but still I apologized because I respects you. You already know how much it takes for an egoist to come out with ‘I’m sorry’, the least you can do is try to appreciate their effort; no matter how much you hate them, just give them a yellow card for starter then listen to what they want to say, not giving the red one straightforwardly. Referee doesn’t throw red cards like Texas Hold ‘Em All for the reason there won’t be any game left when everyone is out. Understand that woman! Ah, screw that too. I’m not in the mood to reason with you. Ah, screw everything.

………….

I could really use a juicer right now. Say, who want lemonade?

Word That Came Out So Many Times

Few words: Marijuana isn’t a drug, it’s a plant. If that is the case then Korean drama isn’t a drama, it’s a drug.


Sometimes people just lost control of themselves. They spit out what’s on their mind before their brain even have time to rephrase it. Sometimes people just overlooked the boundary between joke and insult. And without knowing it, they’re stepping on somebody tail. But the thing is it’s just a thin stroke to tell apart between joke and insult; of course it does also depend on how you see it. That’s what make human ‘human’.

If you are a follower of MLMB from day one, you already realize I joke about everything; from my breakup story to getting dump, from my amateur French kiss to my botched first date. Basically I joke about everything, because I treat the world less seriously by considering only the funny side of life. I guess everyone will literally get bored of life when it’s all no joke basis. And of course sometimes I’d walk pass the boundary but as soon as I grasp a grip of reality, I’ll do my best to amend it.

A month ago, I recklessly joke about something that might hurt the feeling of someone. Well, I’m not good at bullshitting so it’s something to do with stuffed sleeping tool or maybe a slight into childhood memory but frankly speaking, I don’t know she can’t take it. By the way, do you guys know what it feels like when your joke rejected? It’s like you’re stepping on some land mines which is more or less what I get after that joke. Sensing the tense atmosphere, I apologized immediately.

Of course, my apology is rejected.

And apologizes continue for the reason I don’t like being hated and sit there doing nothing to amend it. I have also thought of uploading a snapshot of me crying begging for forgiveness, but that will be, obscenely nauseating. So the idea is slashed off right away.

Of course, my requests for forgiveness are all ignored.

Again, I’m not good at bullshitting, so I don’t know you’re not a big gas type of girl. I don’t deny I can be a jerk and so heart breaking at times, but after knowing I’m ahead of the boundary, I will without end try to amend it. Nevertheless, after trying everything with the same outcome, that will be, I don’t know, the end?

It’s alright with me if you continue hating me; I already had a dozen of them waiting to ambush me when I’m all alone in the toilet. But like I said, I had tried to save the friendship and that’s pretty much the most I can do. It won’t work if the other side doesn’t respond to it, not? Trust me, if I had your number, I will even call to apologize. Well, it’s just going to be another half year before I totally vanish from your view. Until then, take care and “I’m sorry junior”.

You should have felt the sincerity since I’m blogging this in the midst of study week. Bah! More books to eat. Bye!

On Christmas Eve

Few words: Since my previous post Mr.Leo is published, everyone is calling me that now. Sooner or later this place going to be misterleomonkey.blogspot.com. By the way, it’s Christmas already? It feels just like another Friday night. I sacrifice Christmas for my final year project, dear supervisor; if you’re reading this, do give me an A+.


Here I am, alone, in front of my laptop on Christmas Eve. For those who are really close to me, they will assume I'm bullshitting but the fact is the fact; I’m all alone in front of my lappy now and most probably remain the same for the next couple of hours. Well if that’s the case, then why not blog? Here it goes then...

The following may contain certain degree of joke involving several important characters of Christmas which are not in any way explicit or offensive. If you can’t take joke seriously or if you take joke too seriously, please stop reading and exit the page. Conversely, if you’re just looking for a piece of laughing material, welcome.

Being born and raised by Chinese custom had gravely lessened my knowledge or understanding about other custom, for instance the Christmas. The first word that comes through my mind when you talk about Christmas is Merry because they always come together, and no kidding, that’s the only thing I know about Christmas. I really had no idea what Christmas is until I’m in kindergarten. Even so, I’d think of Santa Claus as a thief. You can’t blame me, who wouldn’t think of a thief when someone wearing boots go into your house through the chimney. To further support my theory, Santa always come at night when everybody is asleep, he carry a never-ending big sack and he laugh every time he got away "Ho Ho Ho!". Which of the above criterion show he is not a thief, convince me!

After some time, I share my humble theory with my friend Rajan and to my surprise; he couldn’t even let me finish my theory. He was totally pissed off. He told me that Santa Claus is never a thief, Santa Claus is his hero. He also told me that Santa Claus was originally one of Marvel superhero, same class with Spiderman, Hulks and others superheroes in those Superhero League. And because of that, I believe him for months and wondering “What superpower he had? Toy making? Chimney sliding?”

Back then, Rajan is still my best friend before I find out that there is no Rajan in his birth cert. It's written Ganes instead.

After some years of celebrating Christmas, I gain some knowledge about Santa, mainly through TV. Somehow Santa is a kind old man who likes to make toys and he come every year on this particular night to deliver his handmade toys to good kids ONLY. The word ONLY sound so mysterious right, I thought so, how he know which is good har? At that time, I already had quite a number of useful data on Santa, but still I couldn’t meet him.

I know Santa put the present in sock, so I purposely ask my mum to wash all my socks before Christmas. I put my sock every year at my front door, in fact I put three just in case he missed it or maybe I’m lucky enough to make him think I have two more siblings. But still, nothing in the socks.

At some point, I even ask my mum to build a chimney in my house because I thought he is too paiseh to come in by front door. Of course my mum won’t build one, by the way, having a chimney in Malaysia is illegal; government will tax you under factory and manufacturing building because the number of house with chimney is even rare than museum. Every year I have come out with more and more creative idea; putting a sign board writing ’chimney this way’ at my front door, placing my sock at the balcony instead and I even reserve a place for reindeer parking. But there is still no trace of Santa and more importantly his toys. Eventually, I understand why my parent isn’t all hype bouts Santa, for the reason, it’s just a myth.


Even so it’s just a myth; there are still a few logical questions that I don’t understand. "Why reindeer?" And it’s not normal reindeer; Santa is so picky, he only wants red nosed reindeer. Why not horse? Everyone knows that horse is better in many ways than reindeer. "And why elf?" Everyone knows the cheapest labor available is Bangla, why not Bangla? These are few logical questions that still remain a mystery to me.

But not today, I finally meet my Santa, or seem to be like him. Red and white, should be him.

He even went through all the fuss to prepare this just for me; I guess I’m in his good boys list this year.

Well, the drawback is I have to pay for this. FML. Guess Santa never really exist after all.

But at least I know Santa still love me, if not why do he ask me to come again.

HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS DEAR READERS!
Merry Christmas to you as well, mellymonkeys (whisper)