Live On

Many things had changed ever since I come to Penang; might be the lifestyle, the people, the society, the world or anything, but surely something changed. Maybe no one ever noticed or maybe no one even care to bother; maybe it’s just me, but being away from home into a total-stranger-environment, you too will feel that time passed extraordinary slow. Days feel like weeks, months feel like years and years feel like eternally. Maybe because of that, I have more time to reflect, more time to observe from a whole different standpoint of life. Everything is changing, the progress might be slow but it’s progressing in no doubt.

Being in a different environment absolutely change a person whether is their outlook, lifestyle, or perception. For the very first few days in Penang, I actually feel like going back home. Life’s a fragile thing, when we are unable to adapt to the surroundings; we tend to feel shattered and almost true to say horrified. I’m indeed horrified because there are just too many new things to face each day. Frankly speaking, I’m still exploring new thing every day whether is the task, the road, the people, the mother tongue or the way of life.

Being a foreigner, there’s no way not feeling lonely. Every day, ‘walls’ imprison me; some that I build and some build by others. These ‘walls’ separate me or rather I separate myself from the society. Being away from my hometown, it actually builds more ‘walls’ between me and them. Not that I haven’t been away from them; the longest record was one whole semester of being away from home due to my studies. Nevertheless the ‘walls’ built this time is so much different than previous one for the reason that I choose to be in Penang myself. Face it! I had the choice of doing my internship in my hometown but…but…but that doesn’t matter anymore, the fact is I’m already here and I have to live through what I had chosen.

Also because of this, I let many people down including myself. Life’s fun in Penang but life is only great when you have friends, family and person you loved being with you. I can’t help to be in awe “What happen if I choose to be in my hometown? Will everything be the other way round?” and every time when I felt lost, I asked myself constantly: “Did I make the wrong choice?”.

All along, I made uncountable mistake, some that I regret and some come in a great prize. You’re right, I decide too fast without even understanding the consequences. Usually, I just hide it with a smile but recently this smile ice up; it’s hard for me even just to stretch my face and smile. You’re right again, in the end I’m the only one who ended up crying for mummy. Risky decision, big sacrifice and low gain; who will play a game like this? I will.

“Did I make the wrong choice?”

It may be too early for me to judge. Yet, based on the ‘walls’ and what I had lose; it pretty much looks like a huge mistake to me. Even though it’s a mistake, there nothing I can do but to live on. Yet…

“Did I really making one?”

That; I leave for you to answer.