Things Change

‘Nothing last forever’, many already know about this simple diminutive notion. I mean who don’t want good thing to last eternally, everyone want good thing to last eternally. But back in reality, nothing really last forever; doesn’t matter either it’s a good thing or a bad thing. Thing just go around and be forgotten just like that; I mean you are not going to suffer or be pleased perpetually, maybe just for a period of time; days, months, years or maybe decades. What I’m trying to say is things do change, eventually.

Everything around me starting to change, nonetheless it's just a very slow change; but who's cares, as long as it do change. Changing might be something good, yet for some reasons I just don't like it (don't ask me why). Everything just start to die on me recently, I don't quite understand and I couldn't stop it.

Just recently, my alarm clock starts to die on me. And I still didn’t realize it until it stops running. Been telling my friend that I’m deaf to my alarm rang because I heard no alarm rang in the morning and because of that, I missed a lot of morning class lately.

Just newly, my phone starts to die on me as well. People been phoning me like a mad cow, but I just can’t feel a thing because it don’t vibrate and it don’t ring. It caused nightmare lots of people mad at me. Sorry for not picking up your calls.

Just today, my calculator starts to die on me. During examination some more, really *sui ar. Luckily the guy beside me realize my calculator is not working, and offer to borrow me one (who won’t realize if someone banging his calculator like a mad cow and keeps on sighing? At least my sigh borrowed me another calculator, worth!).

Nothing last forever, things just changes whether you like it or not. Frankly speaking I don’t like things to change, it’s not an easy thing for me to adapt new things in my life. I had always been a person that live in my own cabin; an introvert guy. I hardly let others to come into my life, and I hardly let others to share my life but once I do, I want them to remains as what they are and what they used to be; the person that able to make a step into my cabin. But recently, I realize it’s impossible.

I still remember when I still a kid, my mum used to yell at me “Mels don’t do this!! Don’t do that!!” That was her favorite line. Being the elder son in the family is like her first lab rat, I mean she want me to be a role model to my siblings. She’ll experimenting different types of philosophy and teachings to me; if it’s good then it shall reach my brothers, if it’s not then what the heck. Nevertheless she had always been my direction for everything, she’ll scold me for every little single mistake I did or every single little chances she had. Every time when I had a crazy idea, she’ll be the first to notice and stop me. No matter how I conceal it, she’ll find out for sure. She sees through me EVERYTIME. And it's kind of irritating and of course embarassing to had your mum shouted at your mistake.

I’m older now and maybe because she thinks that I can think on my own, she had stopped yelling at me for a long time. Maybe because I reached my adult age, she had been letting me to decide the way I want to live my life. Yet for certain reasons, I still hope that she yell out my slip-up every so often.



Even though I’m adult now, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t need your guidance anymore. Because at this age, I need it more than anything else.

No doubt, many things had changed, but I just wish something never changes, eternally.

A Fight with My Father

Now, ever since my friends complain on my *chim English usage in my blog; I tend to write my blog in a more amusing and less complicated way. But not today, I’m not in the mood to joke. It’s not me when I talked about my family; because I never talk about them, because I just love each of my family members so much I wouldn’t want to talk about them. Yet it’s easy to say I love them, and its hell hard to demonstrate it.

I know I’ll regret this if I don’t blog this, because I really can’t have a word with him; blame my self-esteem, blame my ego, blame me as a bad son or whatsoever. Yet, I couldn’t face him. As I say, I love him just that I couldn’t demonstrate it.

Family, a word that mean a million to many including me.

Family, a place where I shield myself when facing difficulties.

Family, the person whom I consult when I don’t know what to do.

Family, my home.

Family will forever attaches to me no matter who I was, who I am and who I will be.

It has been half a year now, since my last conversation I had with my dad. It’s the most heartbreaking conversation I ever had with him; and I think I did break his heart real bad, real nasty. The thing is he’s wrong; but for him, we are never right. It feels just like yesterday, having that conversation that somehow makes me as a bad son. I admit it wasn’t my intention to go that nasty, in Chinese we refer that as ‘play too big this time’.

The thing is, both our ego are higher that Mt. Everest. He did make a call to me, but I didn’t pick it up. I did call back, but he didn’t pick it up this time. And I hardly want to go back to my hometown; because I don’t know what to do when I face him. Just I and he alone in the living room can be so silence till I can hear the sound of my living room fan.

Just received a message from my mum and everything seem so blue to me. I know you are losing weight, just because your beloved son; me. It’s heartbreaking. The fact is I do call mum and ask how you are doing every chance I had when I phone home. I’m regret that I broke your heart despite the fact that you love me the most among all in the family.

Dad…

I don’t have the courage to say it out. Yes, I’m too gutless to say it to you. Yes, I’m too spineless to ask for your forgiveness.

Dad…

I’m sorry.

No matter what happen, I’m always your son.

Day After April Fool

Are you the one who used to fool people, or are you the one that being fooled every time on April Fool? Well I’m quite a balance guy; I mean I do trick people and I do get tricked by people. It’s common to look at people with notes ‘Kick Me Hard Please’ behind their back, or simply people with red faces trying not to laugh while trying to make fun of their friends on this special day.

Well it’s so common; and nobody is angry about it because it’s April Fool, the only day which you can make fun of your boss (at your own risk), your supervisor (at your own risk) or even the policemen (try making a prank call and I shall see you in court or somewhere behind the bar) somebody that you hate and wanted to fool him/her for centuries (at your own risk); at least April Fool provides you the excuses to do so. Well, that’s common on April Fool. Nevertheless I saw a guy trying to make fun of his girlfriend, but the guy ended up crying alone (once in a millions case). By and large, that’s so common on April Fool.

Now, had you ever been deceived by others when it’s not an April Fool day? Yes I had. In fact, I feel like a fool today. I had no idea what to trust and what to believe in, the world seems so deceiving today. What the others told can be true for that instant and for that instant only; in a split second, the fact can change so radical that you won’t recognize the truth anymore. Heh.

Life’s a miserable thing, you get to choose to believe or to doubt in whatsoever thing that you aren’t sure whether it’s trustable or not. Miserable huh? Well that’s the probability game of life.

The thing is I’m not a person that straightforwardly believes in others, I’m a person that lives in my own cabin, my own world and I’m protective towards any kinds of rumors or hoax around me. Many try to deceive me, but only a handful of people succeeded. Sometimes I really have a high regard to those who can really fool me; because I know they had been planning and preparing this hoax for months if not for years.

But the thing is, I choose to believe today.

And yes, you fooled me completely. BRAVO!

YES IMT-GT!

I had not been updating my blog for a long time; SORRY I had been busy lately!

The reason I had not been able to update my blog is not that I’m lack of ideas, not that my computer die on me, not that I’m sick and definitely not that I’m bored with blogging (never!). Many do wonder and many do worry, what can keep Mels busy? Girls? Money? Online game?

Nay! It was the 11th IMT-GT VARSITY CARNIVAL 2009; for short IMT-GT which stand for Indonesia Malaysia Thailand Growth Triangle. For Perlis people, I’m hell sure that you guys are familiar with it; not because it’s grand, not because it’s international but it’s because posters and banners are everywhere in Perlis; on top of that, Perlis is just so small that rumors spread three times faster and kepohness factor do contribute a lot in spreading rumors.

IMT-GT is a sport carnival first held in 2005 with just a few universities involve, the game they played are merely football and badminton. Now IMT-GT has grow into a well recognize international friendly tournament. International leh! No need be Malaysia representative but still can get international certificate leh! And coincidentally, my university is the host for this time.

Yes I was in the basketball team for the very first time; I mean as part of my university athlete for the very first time. Inspired by the movie YESMAN, I agree on joining the basketball team. I had been refuse to join the team because I really hate training and ahead of that, I don’t like coming back to train during my holidays. But heck! Thanks to YESMAN. This is the very first YES I made and somehow I feel that I’d made the right choice. Well, I just wanted to see what I can get if I joins the team; and the outcome is something more than I expected; in a good sense la.

For the very first YES I made, I get an international certificate; worth right?

For the very first YES I made, I get IMT-GT limited version goodies bag with a polo tee, a normal tee, a jacket, a long pants, a bag (duh! which part of goodies BAG that you don’t understand), a cap and a nametag; worth right?

For the very first YES I made, I obtain payment to play basketball. I mean how often do we get paid for the sport that we like? Once in a million, and I get paid leh like those NBA players leh; worth right?

For the very first YES I made, I get to be more confident in my game. I’m sure if some of my hometown buddies who knew me, they will realize the different in my basketball play; to be honest, I don’t have the stamina to chase the ball anymore and I don’t have the courage to jump forward doing my stuff anymore; score or not is nothing important, what matter is the courage. I mean if I don’t score, I’ll run all the way back to defend; that’s all. At least, I have the guts to perform my skill and post a threat to my opponent. But for the past two years, I barely do that. And because of this tournament, I regain a bit of my confident and I did some jumping forward in the match; something that I never been able to do for a long time. For this, it alone already worth all the pain and sweat I put in this IMT-GT.

For the very first YES I made, I made a handful of friends; friends that I never chat with, friends that I had no reason to be friends with and friends that I rarely know them. Nevertheless, this IMT-GT provides me a huge platform to know them more, to make more friends and to understand them more; friends from other universities, friends from Thailand, friends from Indonesia and friends from my own university. Teasing me for making air ball or simply I teasing them for making air ball do strengthen our friendship and I’m okay with that as long as you don’t keep on repeating it over and over again. Heh.

Overall, it’s a worth saying YES. Damn you YESMAN, you really are something.